The Silver Linings of Foster Care...

As we have shared before as a team, everyone’s foster care story is different. We are thankful to all who are willing to share their story with us, the positives and the negatives. Our favorite thing is being able to sit down and learn other’s stories and to see how they are able to see the silver lining through so many things. All of our childhoods, help shape us into who we are as adults. We are incredibly thankful to Kimberly for sharing her story with us this month and for giving us the reminder that there are silver linings in all of our stories.

What is one thing that you wish the general public knew about foster care?

Foster care isn’t always a negative thing for a child. In my experience, when I’ve shared with others that I was in the foster care system, the responses are typically pity or people apologize for my experience, which until I was older, I didn’t fully understand.

How did being in foster care shape your future as an adult?

Being in foster care shaped my future immensely. A few of the bigger impacts it had on my life is that I was shown unconditional love that I had not experienced much in life prior to foster care. I was taught that not everyone leaves or gives up. I was introduced to many relationships that have lasted throughout my years after foster care. Such as my social worker Dana Nance. I had the same worker through the years in care and after aging out of care, this lady was at my wedding, there when my daughter was born, and has always been a reliable shoulder to lean on.

I was also required to attend daycare as a pre-teen through some of my teen years where the owner of the daycare took me under her wing as one of her own and has maintained a healthy relationship with me and my daughter over the years. In fact, we spend Easter, Thanksgiving, and Christmas with her family. This was another positive relationship I gained and learned that family doesn’t always mean biological.

I've also been able to learn by example how to break toxic family cycles and be the best mother to my daughter just like these women have been to me.

Were there any organizations or nonprofits with resources to help kids/youth in foster care provided in the area you grew up in? If not, how would a nonprofit or organization like Fostering Futures have helped you growing up?

Not that I know of. I aged out of foster care at 18 and had very little guidance as to how the real adult world functions. I am now 32 years old and when I applied for my current job at a government agency, I did not have my birth certificate because DSS did not provide me with any of my personal forms when I aged out. I had to go to the clerk of court and locate all personal documents over the years.

When I aged out of the system I had no direction. I was a rebellious 18-year-old who knew it all. This came back and made life difficult in later years. I feel that if there had been a program like Fostering Futures that taught me how to navigate the unknown stage of becoming an adult I could have set a better starting point for my adulthood.

What is the biggest life lesson from your foster care experience that you feel other kids/youth in foster care should know?

Foster care can be an amazing thing that can change the hand you were dealt in life. No matter how rocky the start of your story was, foster care can be a safe place and can offer many opportunities if you have an open mind and open heart. It can provide wonderful relationships that last and help you live a fulfilled life with an amazing support system pushing you through!

Everyone’s foster care story is different. What would you like others to know about your story?

My story… I was placed in care at age 12. I went through 4 different homes between 12 and 18. I was quite the rebellious/angry teen. I sure gave these homes a run for their money. They loved me hard through it all and have stuck by me over the years. They say it takes a village, it sure did! I was able to dig deep and pull the good traits from each of my “mothers” in my own journey of motherhood. The good examples and life lessons provided me a great foundation for my own experience of being a mother.

How has your foster care story affected you as a mother, specifically?

Foster care has shown me the value of strong relationships and working through the challenges to reach goals and becoming better than where you came from. As I stated earlier, these relationships have carried me throughout my adult life and have been a major component of me being a great mama that I take pride in. I have learned valuable life lessons from all the mamas in my life and so appreciate their shared wisdom when I hit a bump in the road raising my own daughter.

What is the biggest need you feel like the foster care system has today? What can we as communities do to make a bigger impact?

I often feel like the kids in foster care get swept under the rug and little attention to detail is paid in their honor. I recall having all my needs met while in the system, however, I was not set up for success as I entered adulthood. I needed guidance as to how to write a check, how to obtain my birth certificate, social security card, or even how to apply for college. It was like once the magic year of turning 18 came, I was no longer their problem, and I was sent out to figure it out on my own. Luckily, I had a worker I was able to reach out to after 18, and she helped me with these issues. However, I'm well aware that not everyone has a Mrs. Dana Nance.

In closing, a lot of hard lessons were learned during my childhood and youth. However, I fully believe that foster care was a vital part of my story. All of the support and tough love gave me direction and self-value that I was able to carry into adulthood. When I had my daughter, I knew I would not be a product of my childhood. I knew she would have a safe, loving, and supportive upbringing. See, there are silver linings to this story. When I chose my career path in emergency services working as a 911 dispatcher, I was able to use my real-life experiences to help others to let them know someone was out there who had been through similar situations and made it out. I was able to recognize red flags and certain circumstances due to my childhood experiences.

I have been able to use the trauma in a positive manner and truly help others, along with using the trauma as a guide of what not to do as a mama. That's the silver lining for me.

Foster care truly saved me and gave me all the tools needed to be a successful adult and mother.