Valley + View: A Fostering Futures Take Pt 2: Taking In The View

Before we begin, for those that are new to FFNC and especially new to our blog, if you haven’t already done so, we encourage you to at minimum read blog #3 titled Valley + View: A Fostering Futures Perspective: Welcome to The Valley. This will help you better understand and appreciate the view that is this blog post.

Many believe in never looking back, but I dare to challenge that idea with the mindset of it's okay to look back, if only to see how far you’ve come. For this blog post, I’ve asked our two contributors to look back at those experiences and see that in spite of those traumatic experiences, how far they’ve come, and if they could write something to their younger selves, what would that be that may help others keep fighting to get out of their valleys, as well.

Contributor #1:

Dear younger me,

As I sit here and think back on the many stages of life you will go through, I smile, I laugh, and I cry. I will not warn you of specific events because they shaped you into who I am today.

I know foster care traumatized you in many ways, but I promise it will not last forever. Start forgiving now. The sooner you can forgive them, the sooner you will heal. God is going to use that pain to build you into a better person. God didn’t forsake you, nor did He ignore your tears. I need you to understand, now, that you were not responsible for anything. You were a young child. You couldn’t protect your own self, and it was impossible for you to protect your brother. You must forgive yourself. You were a victim, not a protector. Some important things I need you to truly know are, you are loved, you are enough, you are beautiful, you are not fat, and you are smart. You are making a difference in people’s lives, more than you know right now. You are valuable. I know you don’t believe this right now, but trust me, you will. Life is hard. You will hit rock bottom many times. You will be angry and hurt. Listen to me, when this happens, breathe, and go with peace. Don’t worry so much about which direction to go. Love will always lead you correctly. Some people are not meant to be in your life forever. It’s ok to let some people walk away. They’re really doing you a favor. True loved ones fight for you, not against you. Don’t take to heart everything the doctors will tell you. You are not bound by everything they tell you. Trust in God and know you are His daughter. God is bigger and more powerful than any doctor or any medication. Trust me, you’ll understand soon enough.

I know you’re scared just reading those words. You know me and you know I don’t lie.

You will be great. Don’t waste your time fretting over the small things or the big things. It changes nothing. It only makes your chest hurt. Although there are many hard times, there are more good times. I need you to get it in your head now, you are good enough. Don’t let others in your head when they say you’re strange because you’re too nice and do too much. Love, always love. The greatest commandment is love. Consider yourself lucky that you do it so freely. You have quite a temper and a mouth, young lady. I’m going to need you to get this under control. The sooner you do, the easier it will be as an adult.

I don’t have all the answers, I’m only 39, but I will tell you…I am married to my best friend. I quickly have peace during the storms because I know whose footprints are truly in the sand. I am well. I am loved by many. I am blessed beyond measure. I have no regrets. I love life. I love the Lord more than you realize. Keep your head up and learn Jeremiah 29:11. “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord. Plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

I promise you will see the reasons soon enough. I love you, and I am proud of you.

Love always,

SR

Contributor #2:

Dear Me,

What can I say, you’ve made it. You’ve come a long way from the girl witnessing her mom overdose or the girl having to work double shifts and go to school, just to support yourself. I hate that you didn’t get the mom that you desperately wanted, but I hope you know you’ve turned into the mom that you needed and wanted for your 3 beautiful girls. You would be so proud of them. The twins are the most amazing, kind, respectful, Jesus-loving, smart girls. They are confident. They know they are loved. They know that their mom and dad are their biggest fans and supporters, and they never doubt that we are there to guide and love them and always provide for them. I get to live the childhood I always wanted through them. The third littlest love is due any day now, and we can’t wait to see how the twins are as big sisters. They gave me my purpose. They showed me what love is. They have allowed me to heal. They are my heroes. They are my life's biggest blessings. They know me the best. They are the family I never had but always wanted. Sure, there are still struggles, sometimes, struggles of forming relationships with others, doubts of self-worth or confidence, but when I’m with my girls, my family, I’m reminded that “And now these three remain: faith, hope, and love. But the greatest of these is love" (1 Corinthians 13:13). They love me whole-heartedly and unconditionally, and the love I have for them surpasses any and all understanding.

I want you to know that you made it. You broke the cycle. You were enough then and more than enough now. You are beautiful. You were strong then but you’re even stronger now. Things eventually got better. Life is better. You overcame, you conquered, and you didn’t let your past define you. I am so proud of that girl then, but I’m equally proud of the woman you’ve become. Stay strong. Keep the faith. Love Always.

SV

To know these ladies presently and to see what their journey has been and how far they’ve come is truly a testament to them. Our hope, prayer, and challenge to them now is that they can see themselves from our point of view. We see strength, we see resiliency, we see BIG faith and BIG hearts. We see that in spite of it all, they still have the capacity to love and serve others. We see the joy they bring others. We see them breaking the cycles of generational traumas. We see them seeing, doing, and being better for the sake of their loved ones and children. We see them being positive and inspirational role models and parents to their kids and families. We see the families they’ve made. We see the lives they’ve chosen and created for themselves. We see you. God sees you. We are so proud of you. We’re honored to call you friends/family. We love you and are honored that you shared your valley and view with us.

We hope these stories will help others and offer encouragement to those that find themselves in similar situations. We want those individuals to know they are not alone, there are people and organizations out there willing to listen and to help.